I didn't want to admit it but I'm looking at a Never on a calendar. Chance brings me to something I wrote some time ago. Take a look...


This question is eating the heart out of me. Was it the real thing? Are you a liar? Everyone lies, I understand that, but did you "lie" lie? I'm asking so that I don't continue believing that there's something terribly wrong or broken about me and the way I live things out. If it was love, do you want to feel it again? Can you tell me how things happened for you? It would make things so much easier to process. I strongly believe that I could somehow piece it all together so that it can make some sense of it. I need this blur to clear up and turn it into something common, force myself to believe that it happens to everyday-people living everyday-lives. I need it not to feel special anymore."
There are no words to describe it to be perfectly honest with you. These feelings won't go away no matter what I do. I keep thinking that time will make them go away, eventually. Each time I pick myself up you figure out a way to make it all come back.
I can't be the one you come running to when you get bored. No more trying to make it work either. Everybody keeps saying "WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE IT ALONE?!". The thing is, I don't think that I can let go. Holding on to this foolish hope somewhere deep down and in the corners of my mind. You see, I've got the patience that most lack! I need you to stop talking to me because my patience will soon run out. It will run out to the point where I'll get back on my saddle and hype up my game mode. I'd love to continue deluding myself into thinking that there is nothing I can do to fix it. My lights don't glow the same way they used to. I've got to get them up and running again. It's too much of an effort for me to fight myself off. Getting back on track is a bitch (to be completely honest with you) when you're not keeping up your end of the bargain. Don't get me wrong. I can play the game all too well, only, this time around, there's too much at stake.
What I'm basically trying to say is....well...LEAVE ME ALONE. You're taking up too much space. It's too dangerous to be in the vicinity of you. It's been a while since you got it like this, I bet. I wonder if you know you were supposed to have been replaced by now. If I were to take my heart's advice I would only assume it's still unsteady, waiting for tomorrow but caught somewhere in between.
No comments:
Post a Comment