Curtea de Arges. Day 01

Curtea de Arges

Day 1

Gandesc. Gandesc mult. Gandesc mult si uneori degeaba. Gandesc uneori distructiv. Gandesc uneori productiv. Drumul spre Curtea de Arges a fost destul de lin, calm. Listening to heartbreaking songs all the way through (not by personal choice but by association) helped me take my mind off of everyday issues. 

M.am gandit la felul in care s.a desfasurat ultimul an pentru mine. M.am gandit la viitorul meu. M-am gandit la prezentul meu. M.am gandit la trecutul meu (in this exact order). M-am gandit la ce mi-ar placea sa fac, la ce ma vad facand si la ceea ce am facut pana acum. 

This entire thinking process was rudely interrupted by my lovely mother as she bit into a scrumptiously delicious peach. Hearing her teeth penetrating the mouthwatering fruit makes me lose focus. M.am revoltat at first, mi-am pierdut cumpatul. Faptul ca nu pot manca si eu acest fruct doare. Ea totusi ma intelege and I continue my train of thought. 

Where was I? Oh yes, where I want to be, where I am and where I had been. I want to go to distance every second of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade of every century. Where I am is here and now. Here and now is a nifty little place. Here and now is a place that I can't really put my finger on. Here and now is a highly dangerous place. I'm gaining perspective. I'm gaining focus. I'm gaining strength. I'm gaining confidence. I'm regaining confidence lost. I'm regaining thoughts forgotten. I'm regaining facial expressions. I'm regaining space. I'm regaining rhythm. Cam la asta se rezuma prezentul meu. Cel putin partea teoretico-productiva. 

The niftyness of this 'here and now' situation kicks in, in the 'now'. My 'now' as opposed to my 'here' is a little sad. You see, in my 'here' I find a constant development, whether it's due to my glorious thinking process or my victorious outcomes of winning multiple arguments with myself, it can still be considered development. In my 'now' however ma lovesc de perete. Sau nu. Let me rephrase. Ma lovesc de pereti. Ma lovesc de voi. Da, voi. Si ma lovesc tare. Si oricat as incerca sa neg treaba asta, doare. Si doare tare. Si pe cat de tare doare pe atat de repede imi dau seama ca va loviti voi de mine. Nu va stau in cale. Ma loviti deliberat. Ma loviti pentru ca va las. La asta ma gandesc in my 'now'. There ain't no feeling better than feeling I'll tell you this much. And I'm feeling every hit you throw my way, whether deliberate or unintentional. I am struggling to put my finger on it. Why? 

The air in the car isn't enough. I open the car window at 140 kilometers per hour. I rest my head on my folded arms and let the air penetrate my brain at full speed. I feel the air getting heavier, I'm beginning to feel, a numbing feeling spreads from my fingertips to my eyelashes, I'd like to take the time to love your body, kiss and hug your body. My mother's hand touches my cheek and my eyes burst open causing my body to feel a slight jolt. Just in the nick of time. Ma uit la ea, ea se uita la mine, imi spune ca ma iubeste, ii spun ca o iubesc si inchid geamul. That was close. She caught me just as I was about to fall. Oprim in parcarea unui supermarket. 

At last, sunset. Am impartit niste mini BakeRolls cu pate de ficat. Am descoperit cat de delicioase sunt junk-food-urile atunci cand le mananci cu mama ta. 30 more minutes to go until we reach our final destination. The following discussion takes place:

Ea: Te-ai gandit la casatorie? Vrei?

Mama: Vai de mine.(simt cum i se relaxeaza intregul corp langa mine asteptand un raspuns pertinent). Nu acum cel putin.

Eu: Ceea ce vreau momentan este o gura mare de aer.

Ea: Asa sunt vremurile in ziua de azi. Pe la 30 de ani in colo nu?

Eu: Nu stiu cat de mult s-au schimbat vremurile. E greu sa cauti lucrurile potrivite in locuri nepotrivite. E destul de greu sa gasesti o persoana cu care sa traiesti momente adevarate.

El: Da, ai dreptate, trebuie mai intai sa sclipeasca ceva acolo, un Audi Q7 ceva!

Ea: Haide mah termina!

El: Bine, hai, poate am exagerat, un Golf!

Ea: Adevarul e ca nici nu mai stii la ce se arunca tinerii din ziua de azi.

El: Doar nu te astepti sa te pupe si sa tresara ceva in tine sau sa ti se ridice un picior asa cum vezi in filme

Mama: Sau sa iti tremure genunchii

El: Nu se intampla lucrurile asa

Eu: Mie mi sa intamplat

El: Ce ti sa intamplat?

Eu: Mi-au tremurat genunchii, s-au format cratere in stomac.

Ea: Lasa, mai bine pe la 30 de ani in colo.

Enter a full frontal Vaya Con Dios.

Ajungem in fata casei, I throw my head back si raman asa cca un minut. Nu am mai vazut atatea stele de foarte mult timp. We grab our bags si imi aleg camera de la capatul scarilor. I throw on a sweater and jolt down the stairs and back to the front yard. I pull my hood up over my head and lay down on the concrete separating the deck from the yard. I'm staring into the night, into the abiss. Pentru prima oara in viata mea imi pare rau ca nu recunosc toate constelatiile. I begin counting the stars and I smile. I had already lost count. Vad 6 sau 7 lilieci. I see a shooting star, or what seems to look like a shooting star. Impossible, it's too bright, moving too slow. I look for alternating lights of what would seem to be a plane. None. I make my wish out loud so that I hear it as opposed to simply thinking it. I see another 3 bats a little closer than I should so I tuck my hair back into my hood. Mai vad o stea cazatoare. This night just went down in The History Of Me. Imi pun si a doua dorinta, tot cu voce tare, si zambesc.

Could it be that you're no longer part of my wish list?